Q: Hey, an ex-girlfriend of mine from nine years ago just published a book and is holding a reading at a bookstore located a two-hour drive from my house. Should I show up at the reading, listen quietly, and keep my presence unknown to her until the question and answer session, at which point I will ask a dilatory question about British versus American slang, and surprise her that way? What do you think?
A: I know this probably seems like a great idea, but trust me, it is not. You may be imagining that the events following your hijacking of the Q and A session will resemble some kind of movie like “Before Sunset” or something, in which your authoress ex-girlfriend drops her book and runs into your arms and weeps into your shoulders that the book was about you the whole time and she doesn’t give a damn about the fame and fortune the book may bring her, since it accomplished the far more important task of summoning you to her. But trust me, this will not happen. And definitely, definitely don’t tell her that you found her reading “by accident while looking for another title on Simon & Schuster.” As excuses go, that’s pretty wet. Everyone Googles their exes; the sooner we stop being coy about this, the better.
